Share Your Story

This is your page. This section of the website is for you to post your story of grief, or of an extraordinary encounter. Feel free to post as often or as little as you wish. Rant away, ask questions, scream, shout, cry, share your wonder or joy. Whatever you need to talk about regarding your own journey In Between, this is the place to do it. Jacqueline will always have a reply for you, and perhaps others as well.

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9 thoughts on “Share Your Story”

  1. Krista says:
    July 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm (Edit)
    Hey Jacq and anyone else who might be reading this, I figured I’d try and contribute more to The In Between by writing rather than stopping by and reading and checking up on the journals. It’s hard to know what to write or say -at least for me- so I usually just absorb and say nothing. That or I truly am the worst online communicator. With that said I make no promises to any of this actually being helpful or interesting(now I’m no longer liable for boring anyone to tears haha)I’ll begin with an update on how I am now.

    I’m still going to school and trying to figure out how to make what I want to do into something that can be financially and professionally rewarding. School has never been easy for me and with Julie gone it all seems a bit ridiculous. I mean, when you’ve dealt with your best friend being murdered for no reason other than a distraction for the police and meeting the parents of a good man whose honor was violated by dismemberment, it’s hard to see some things at college as anything but trivial in comparison. I’m mature enough to see these thoughts for what they are though. They’re real insights but I can admit I’ve been using it as an excuse to give less than my best effort at the things I need to be focusing on. I can’t say I won’t do it again because I’m sure I will at some point, but at least I can look into myself and admit that’s what I’ve been doing instead of shying away from the hard truth I’ve been successfully ignoring for at least a year or more. Now I can do something to change that and in some small way I feel like I’m already doing something to change for the better.

    Another thing I’ve come to realize is that I’m still resentful over how things have turned out with Julie. I doubt anyone needs another summary of that situation but I pretty much laid it out on Kimberle’s journal if whoever wants to check, or you can ask in a post. Either way is fine, going back to my feelings I still love
    Julie’s family like my own and I can’t or won’t begrudge their moving on with life I just feel betrayed. Whether thats rational or not I can’t help it. The Kibuishi family has grown with beautiful new babies and I feel that Julie’s mother has replaced her grief with her grandchildren. Now don’t get me wrong I’m glad she has those grandbabies to help her I just wish it didn’t keep her from acting like life is now perfect. I won’t lie I’m selfish enough to not want to be the only one still deeply mourning Julie’s absence but I can’t help feeling like I am.

    I think the difference in how we mourn her loss lays with the relationship each person specifically had with Julie. Her family loved her but never truly understood her so she found acceptance in mine. Julie and I often lived in different states but we never stopped encouraging, pushing, supporting, accepting or helping each other despite the distance. This is what hurts the most, her family lost her presence in their lives but I lost the only person who gave me the courage and confidence to fight through the bad parts of life and enjoy the best parts. I had her friendship to rely on and now I’m trying to figure out how to do without. Mostly failing but thats never stopped me before, and Julie wouldn’t let me quit if she were here so I’ll do my best to honor her memory by trying until I make something of my life.

    Heavy stuff, I know. Most likely rambling as well but who knows maybe it’ll help later to look back on this and see the progress I’ve made. Two long years plus some and it’s gotten better in some ways while in others it’s the same. Time obviously doesn’t heal all wounds but it does help some.

  2. 7willow says:
    August 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm (Edit)
    Hey there! I am not sure where to start on this journal thingy but I wanted to mention something happening in my life lately that may seem just a little frivolous (considering the state of the world today) but it is my story and I am good with it.
    I recently found someone online through a dating site that totally blows me away. I mean completely knocks me every which way but loose. It happened purely by accident too. I did a search on the site (I cannot remember now what it was) and this guy’s profile showed up. I read it, re-read it and wow he was something! So I took the chance and emailed him, told him how beautiful his views on life were. He emailed me right back and we have been talking non-stop now for a little over a week now. We will be meeting each other in person next week. If it goes as well in person as it has online I will totally be knocked to my knees in love.
    I have to preface this with something I see a lot of. I see hearts placed in my pathway, all the time. From heart shaped gopher holes (I kid you not)crumbs in the sink, just too many to mention. I have seen them for years now. It feels like a trail of hearts to the right person for me. So anyway, I take photos of them or pick them up and I save them.
    After I started talking to him (he is French by the way and sighhhhhhhh when he speaks it to me, I melt on the floor) all these hearts started flooding my spaces. I have seen more in the last week than in the past years. I also had doubts and thought that maybe I was not good enough, this was while I was driving home one day lost in my self-conscious thoughts. When I was thinking that maybe I should let him go (my fear of success)this new song came on the radio I have not heard before. It was called Finally Found You….the lyrics to the song could have been spoken by my love’s voice…
    I am going with the flow of the Universe and quieting my head to let my heart loose.

    Thanks for letting me share here.
    Much love and light
    7willow

    Jacqueline says:
    August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm (Edit)
    I wish nothing but the best for you with this. Every girl should fall in love with a Frenchman at least once in her life. I know of what I speak on this one, trust me.

    7willow says:
    September 11, 2012 at 4:26 am (Edit)
    Thank you, Jacqueline. I thought perhaps after I sent that message that maybe I was just an insensitive clod….but I have to tell you why this is so good for me. For the first time in my life someone loves me for just me, he is okay with my quirky self, he is okay when I have my tantrums because I can’t see past my own nose sometimes. He is okay with everything about me. It stops me dead in my tracks and makes me re-examine what doesn’t fit in my life. So here in the in-between I can say that I am shedding parts of me that don’t work for me any longer and I have him to thank for that. We were not able to meet because he had to do a job in Rome (I live in Northern Cali)and he is still there but coming home soon. I know that he is the one for me. I feel it to the depths of my soul. I do not believe in soulmates but if there were such a thing I believe he is the closest I will get to having one.
    Thank you for letting me share here. Namaste’ and journey well.
    7willow

    Jacqueline says:
    September 11, 2012 at 11:57 am (Edit)
    Love and happiness are the rewards we are given for the work we do here in this life. Sharing your joy is as important as sharing the hurt- it helps others perhaps see that there is light ahead. Revel in it!

    7willow says:
    September 12, 2012 at 10:55 pm (Edit)
    I probably should have started at the beginning and wrote about the death of a first love, not physical but just as painful as if it had been. A failed marriage (with the added abuse and alcoholism on his side) and my journey back from hell. I am proud of where I have come from and am healed 9 years later. I can truly say to those who read these journals that there is light, and many along the way who will light up your path for you. You just have to be patient and open for it.

    And I truly believe that those who pass on through the veil are not so far away from us here. We are still connected. The physical is a blink of an eye (if that). We will be joined again on the other side. My dearest, dearest Dad passed 4 years ago and though I still cry for me I know he is not in pain any longer and riding his bike and hiking beautiful scenery again. I feel him and my son sees him on occasion.

    Namaste’
    7willow

  3. Madeline says:
    March 5, 2013 at 4:44 am (Edit)
    Hi there,

    I’ve never had a loved one die–unless you count our beloved equine friends. But I’ve definitely seen ghosts and had realistic dreams of two of my horses. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate place to put this but I wanted to share.

    My family and I moved from my childhood home in 2006 to a bigger ranch. That house, I am certain was “haunted.” Not by a violent or sad ghost. He was cheeky. I am certain the ghost was male. Everyone but my father, I think, saw him. My friend believed it to be my brother at first. Our ghost was merely a dark shadow that would walk through the one room adjacent to the kitchen or past the window outside on the front deck. He pestered my younger brother though—knocking his things over, rattling stuff. Or turn on the computer every once in a while. Haven’t seen him since we moved in 2012. I think he lived in that old house. Miss seeing him.

    I work at the local carwash. I am quite certain that the old owner’s ghost lurks about. While I’m cleaning or washing a senior’s vehicle, I get this sense that someone is watching me, but there is never anyone there. Although, I can catch a glimpse of a dark figure out of the corner of my eye. The ghost also likes to open doors and rattle the coffee mugs—the manager of the carwash makes fun as I made the mistake of sharing it all with him. Not everyone can see or believes in ghosts.

    The grief I have is not with humans though. It is with my horses. It’s amazing how much an animal touches me deeper than any person human has.So far. Excluding parents and siblings. I’ve lost two grandparents and a great grandparent. But I don’t mourn them like I do my equine friends.

    My mother says I was born loving horses and she often jokes that she found me in a flower patch in the company of a horse and that I never forgot that horse she found me with. After years of begging, I finally got two wild yearling fillies from the auction mart. Not what I wanted but they were darlings! Those girls were my best friends: a shoulder to cry on, the ones to make you laugh, or just to lay out in the field and relax. They never had an adult on their back but frequently took children for rides. They weren’t broke–never bore a saddle or bit. Selfish me, I wanted a horse to ride. So when my lovely ladies turned 4 or 5 we sold them at the same auction we purchased them and bought Chip, my beautiful old teacher. I know in my heart that my girls–nay, my best friends, are gone. I cry whenever I think about them and probably always will. I am right now, blast these tears! I had a dream three years after I sold them. They were in a field with me and we were playing as we always did and they were so happy to see me. It was so incredibly real it felt as if they were never gone. I was even convinced that they were there when I woke up and I was going to see them. Imagine the pain and heartbreak when reality slammed back down.

    I haven’t seen them since. I like to think their visit was their way of saying they forgave me for sending them away and that they were doing well. I love you Penny & Carrot, by beautiful darlings.

    I apologize for the long post. I may be young still and have a long ways to go before I fully experience life, but I’ve felt grief. Maybe not towards a person but I find it all the same. Ghosts are real definitely. I’m positive that I’ve relived the way I died in my past life through a dream[it WAS something because it was incredibly realistic and slightly painful and a weird sensation] and I am quite certain that our loved ones still look out for us.

    Time doesn’t heal wounds–a person just learns to live with the pain and it almost becomes a comfort. If that makes sense.

    Reply
    Jacqueline says:
    March 5, 2013 at 9:16 pm (Edit)
    Hey, thanks for your story!
    I always find it amazing that some people dont think that grief can be real grief if it is not for a human being. Pain is pain, and loss is loss. I understand your tears at losing your friends and your continued feelings of mounring for them.

    Reply
    Madeline says:
    March 6, 2013 at 3:45 am (Edit)
    I think, all it is, is that some people are never subject to the love an animal possesses. Or they just don’t understand the connection one feels towards their animal partner and when that animal dies–well, we all know what that pain is like.

    Reply
    Jacqueline says:
    March 6, 2013 at 10:10 pm (Edit)
    I agree. Untill one feels that type of bond, its very hard to comprehend it in others.

  4. Linda Brown says:
    June 22, 2013 at 3:33 pm (Edit)
    Good morning everyone! I hope your day is off to a great start. I’ve been wanting to stop by and share my story for a while, so here I am. One day I was thinking about my brother Daniel, who had passed away in 1994 at the age of 35 from cancer. It had been 11 years since his passing. He was weighing heavy on my mind and I was missing him terribly. So this cloud of sadness seemed to settle into my day and begin to take over me. I began to cry and wonder was he scared when he knew he was going to leave us, was he sad his life was ending at 35 when most
    people at that age are settling into their lives comfortably, was he angry and how did he feel when his
    soul left his body and he saw his physical body lying there. Well, that day i walked into my room and sat down
    on the edge of my bed, wiping my tears away. I heard a little bell ringing. All of a sudden my eyes focused on a blank wall, I felt my body starting to tense up and get kind of stiff and i couldn’t move. My eyes still focused on the wall a tv like screen popped up on the wall and it was like fuzzy snow, like bad tv reception. Suddenly the screen became very clear with a picture. There were
    rolling hills of green grass, trees and flowers. The colors were so vibrant, almost like 3D they were so clear and bright! Into the picture walks my brother Daniel, he turns to look at me, waves and smiles at me. He looked so content and happy! Then he just walks on. This screen turns fuzzy again and then dissapears. I let out this big gasp of air like a big exhale and my body relaxed and loose again. I didn’t know what just happened! I thought who can a call to share this with?! who would even believe me! . . . I found out this was an Astral screen and I witnessed my brother on the other side. He wanted me to know he was happy and no longer wanted me to worry about him in that way. I still think of him, but now I smile. Have a great day everyone! May you always walk in beauty. : ) Linda

  5. Terrie says:
    August 10, 2013 at 4:56 am (Edit)
    Grief. It’s been a year of grief for me. Not as bad as 1999 was, but in some ways it hurts more this time. Begin with the death of my marriage, the one I thought would always last. And now the death of my beautiful, sweet mare and dressage partner, Bella. Her passing is so very painful, was almost more than I am able to bear. The circumstances around her passing hurt my heart almost as much as losing her.

    My animals mean more to me than life itself, they always have. My horses are very special, and Bella was extra special. I have experienced lots of loss in my life, but will admit Bella’s passing seems the hardest for me to accept and cope with. Though she is still with me, of course it isn’t the same…. I just miss her so much.

  6. imagineour said:

    Hope I’m doing this right. I posted here about A year ago when I lost my Akita almost overnight. I felt comfort in reading the other posts & replies never thinking I would one day be posting again about a loss.

    4 days ago I was inside my house cleaning and began to hear excessive barking from my dogs, then before I could blink heard yelping. I walked through the hallway to the back door ready to scold them thinking they had simply had a disagreement with each other. I opened the door to see a Pit Bull in the yard. No sooner had I seen the Pit Bull & turned to yell at my boyfriend to come quick till my eyes saw my oldest dog laying dead. I went into numb with shock my mind at that point not even turning to the other dogs or the Pit Bull. When my boyfriend grabbed a stick, the only weapon at hand my mind broke free for a moment & turned to the Pit bull to see my youngest dog in the grips of his mouth. After beating him repeatedly with the stick he let go & jumped the fence taking off.

    The aftermath was one dog dead & the other greatly injured. He had semi-deep bite marks and his back end had been crushed. Having trained as a Vet Assistant I knew that While his injuries we’re bad he would live with treatment. Unemployed with no money to even have his injuries assessed I frantically called several vets hoping one would take pity. As I feared none would & I was forced to drive halfway across town & have him euthanized. My boyfriend’s dog had managed to hide somewhere & was not harmed.

    overwhelmed with grief knowing my oldest died helpless & alone at the my youngest spent his last moment staring up at a stranger, at a loss for understanding. Dealing with immense guilt as I blame myself for the youngest dog having to be euthanized. Angry at a dog I love for escaping unharmed.

    The youngest, was my 8yr olds dog. She does not currently live with me and I dread our visit having to tell her both dogs are dead. I don’t know how to find the words. How to help her cope.

    The owner was cited for no vaccination & no tags but beyond that will not be forced to give up the dog.

    • What a tragic story and every dog owners worse nightmare. I’m so sorry. Please try to let go of the guilt and anger when and if you can. You could not have changed anything and it is not your fault you are financially unable to do more than you did. I don’t believe you took on the care of your pups knowing you could not pay for proper medical treatment if needed. Your work situation happened after you already had them, am I right? We do the best we can with what we are given and nothing is perfect. As for the 3rd dog…if you can shift your perspective a bit and find it in your heart to feel comfort and gratitude that he also was not lost he may help you heal your heart. Again i am so so very sorry.

  7. imagineour said:

    Thank you for the encouraging words. I have mostly managed to move past my anger at the dog who survived, it still creeps up a little as does why my dogs and not someone else’s. I would never wish that on someone but in sadness & anger the emotions are there. As for the guilt, that is going to take awhile. It’s everything from I didn’t have the money to save him, too why didn’t I feel either dog pass as I have so many times before with other pets & humans, why didn’t I go out when I first heard the barking, why did I assume it was just barking at the postman & just the question of why. Why did such a senseless act have to happen.. I’m taking it day by day, still grappling with how to tell my daughter. It’s been rough the last few days as I had to re-tell the story to animal control, finding out the owners still haven’t been willing to surrender the dog & having to write out the story for my complaint. It’s been 3 days of re-living it each day

  8. Hi Jackie I enjoyed all the heart rendering stories. I am trying to write a thriller but i noticed all the contributors had such a gentle style of writing and it was fun to read. I hope this blog will continue Margot Ling

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