Who Am I?

IMG_2629I’ve always been different, an outsider, an oddball, a misfit. I hear and see and most especially feel things that others dont. That makes me a Clairsentient, apparently, with a minor degree of Clairaudient and Clairvoyent tossed in to make it mildly spicy. And I seem to have a special relationship with the process of death and dying. Don’t misunderstand, I am not ghoulish. I’m actually pretty quick to smile and have a generally sunny disposition, and, I’m told, a wicked sense of humor. But it seems the walls that divide this existence from others are especially thin around me. A friend calls me “A Gateway”, an opening in the walls between worlds that allows those in need on either side an opportunity to “see” what they need to see on the other side. And so, I find myself interjected into peoples’ lives when there is a need for someone like me. I have my own grief to bear…I have lost both my best friend and first love to the evils of cancer and I mourn deeply the loss of my own animal friends throughout the years. Grief is a familiar companion to me. Whether its that or some sense of what I am, for most of my life people I both know well and dont know at all and all phases in between have shared their burdens of loss with me. Some have even seemed compelled to, spitting out such announcements as, “I’m a funeral director”, for no apparent reason and with no connection to the conversation. I have held the hands of people as they said goodbye to beloved pets. I have stood in the stead of others who could not bear to be there during their loved one’s final moments. I have listened to customers in my shop telling me about their lost child, husband, friend. I recently spent 6 weeks living in my own little Bermuda Triangle of grief at an art show where my neighbors to the immediate left, right and directly in front had just lost wife, family patriarch, and husband respectively.

The stories I hear have been extraordinary, the love I have felt is indescribable. But what inspired me to finally acknowledge publically this facet of my life was something that happened to me in February of 2011. I wont go into detail, you can read about it in my First Post in the Blog, but I went on a spectacular journey one night. Take a Near Death Experience and combine it with an Out of Body Experience and you’ve gotten about as close to what happened to me as I think modern English can get. It was very like a Near Death Experience with all the lights, tunnels etc…except I wasn’t dying, there was no trauma or illness preceeding it, I just left my body as one would in an Out of Body Experience, except most OOBEs dont involved crossing over. I visited there with a person who was once very dear to me who had passed away a few years prior. He was not expecting me, and I had no control over the event. I didn’t intend to do what I did and in truth didn’t even know I could! But I did and when it was over I was irrevocably altered. Now, not only were the walls thin for me, but I had one foot on this side and one on the other. And it seems that as a result I have become an even bigger magnet drawing more and more people from both sides of the Veil. And the extraordinary things keep happening to me.

I knew it was time to do something with this rather unusual talent. It was time to see if I could help in a broader way. I wanted to create a sanctuary. The concept of some sort of connection with a loved one after they die is so loaded in today’s society, that most people are afraid to discuss it for fear of being dismissed, at best, or laughed at or committed at worst! But its been a common thread through most cultures since the dawn of time. Did you know its really only been in the last one hundred years or so in our culture that we stopped “believing” in ghosts and spirits? Before that its was just common knowledge that these things existed and were all around us. There should be a place to share those experiences safely, or even to just talk about simple grief without discombobulating people. Somewhere neither clinical or mystical. Just a not-for-profit support group for grief and the paranormal experiences that can sometimes accompany it. I wanted to create a community where normal people in extraordinary circumstances could go to find other normal people in extraordinary circumstances, and realize they are neither alone, crazy or without support.

It is my hope that will find this site a safe place to share your experiences as you journey through loss and all its many faces. The wonderful people here are always there with an open mind and an open ear. And if you need me or are too shy, nervous or sad to share in the forum, I am just an email away.

Other than that…well, I’m a Pisces, I like being outdoors and listening to old French music. I love animals, gardening, art, chocolate, Estate sales and Flea Markets, books ( I devour them rapaciously), and talking either in spoken form or written (obviously). I’m most comfortable in the dark, but love nothing better than coming out of a cool pool to lie on baked hot tiles and dry in the sun. Yes, I’m married, yes, I have kids, and pets. Yes, I am gainfully employed- well self-employed, but still gainfully. This Other Side thing is not a hobby, it is a thing that happens to me, and more like a vocation, I suppose.

The rest can wait, I imagine bits and pieces will reveal themselves so I’d rather not spoil it all at once, and besides I really must attempt to make these things shorter or no one will bother reading them.

And so, with that said…

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3 thoughts on “Who Am I?”

  1. Sunkiss says:
    January 20, 2012 at 7:55 pm (Edit)
    You have my most heartfelt blessings in everything that you do. May this gift allow you to reach out to those in need of it and bring peace to their situations.

    Peace, love and wishes,
    Sunkiss.

  2. Alison says:
    March 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm (Edit)
    My dear friend Barbara would have loved this sight…funny, how I came here for the first time right before I take in her Big Horse for life…

  3. This is….Jacqueline Collen-Tarrolly : My Daily Burbank says:
    May 1, 2013 at 10:42 pm (Edit)
    […] On her blog posts, you can read her inner most cherished expressions…and I highly recommend you do. I read her post “Who Am I’ and it brought tears to my eyes as someone who relates to her experience with grief, as I lost my Beloved Mother to cancer. The post will help you if you or someone you know needs help with grief, in our community. Pass it on. Read Here […]

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